Monday, November 29, 2010

The/ MY Truth About Being Engaged

[Note: I know all of you probably wish this was about my wedding or honeymoon, but this was basically already done when I got back, so I decided to just publish it. I'm getting to the other fun things, I promise!]

So, when you're Mormon, you hear a lot of rumors about what being engaged is like. I know I am not the same as everyone else, so this is not over-arching. I just thought I would write what I think about it.

I am starting this post on September 27- we have been engaged 1 month and 1 day, but I am not posting it until after I am married. So, it is accurate, but for fear of proving myself wrong, I will wait to publish.

Note: Some of these things might seem rude. Sorry... it's not meant to be, it's just how I feel, and it's really blunt.

Rumor #1:
Being engaged drags on and onnnn: TRUE.

Holy cow. We have only been engaged a month and I'm like... seriously that's it?! Most people would automatically assume that this is because we're oh-so-horny and just wanna make babiesright now!! That's not true. While that would be nice, and probably relieve some stress, honestly, it's just annoying to not be able to be alone together when we want. I hatesaying goodbye at night. I hate that there is literally nowhere for us to be alone ever. His roommates do not leave the living room area of his apartment for any reason. They are literally glued to their Halo Reaches. So that's out. My apartment usually has girls in the living room watching TV or talking. (Note: I love my roomies. This is nothing against them whatsoever. Seriously.) So there's really nowhere to go. I mean the car is okay, but we are sitting far away from each other in the car. Outside is literally our only option. But it's getting cold, and parks love to give out tickets, so our options continue to narrow, and that will be out so soon. I am sad about it :(

Rumor #2:
Keeping your hands to yourself is SO MUCH HARDER when you're engaged: FALSE.

This rumor has spread far and wide, everyone is so convinced of it. Even our Bishop warned us about it when we told him we were seriously considering getting engaged. Honestly, I bet if you have already had a problem with it, it could increase, but I don't think it changes that much at all. It's really just a matter of self control, though. Luckily, we both have quite a bit of that, so I was pleasantly surprised. I was seriously bracing myself for the sudden urge to rip his clothes off that would be nearly impossible to avoid. That, my friends, never came. I'm not saying I didn't want to, I'm saying it's not so horribly dramatically hard as people make it out to be.

Rumor #3:
You will be judged for how quickly/ slowly you got engaged and how short/ long your engagement is. Also, for how late you stay out at night, among other things- basically EVERYTHING you do, even if you are outside when you are out late which is totally not breaking the Honor Code. (Or if you have broken curfew. Whatever): OMG TRUE.

I don't know how common this is, and probably none of you engaged people have been accused of such things, but one guy who I barely know told one of my friends that the reason we had such a short engagement (a little under 3 months) was because I was "obsessed with sex" and we "wouldn't make it to the temple if it was shorter" and we "probably still wouldn't". Also, that I "wasn't prepared to go to the temple" and that we would "probably go inactive after 6 months". So... yeah people might draw outlandish conclusions, but you should definitely just ignore them. Clearly he doesn't know me or us, and they don't know you either. [Nov 29: We don't really care anymore, but at the time it really hurt my feelings and made Dahl really mad. Now it's kinda fun to just laugh about it. That would be my advice to anyone who has problems with this. Because guess who was wrong?? Him. And guess who got married in the temple without any issues whatsoever and are still totally active?? US :) You know that new song by Taylor Swift, "Mean"? This is the chorus: "Someday I'll be living in a big old city, And all you're ever gonna be is mean. Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, And all you're ever gonna be is mean. Why you gotta be so mean?" That's kinda how I feel about him.]

Rumor #4:
You will get a TON of advice. Some nice, some not, some called for, some definitely not: TRUE!

Some of the advice we got was really nice. I loved all the silly and sweet things people said at my bridal showers, and I enjoyed hearing counsel from my parents and his parents, even from some close friends and from Heather as well. I had no problem listening to my Bishop and to my parents and sometimes my friends. I enjoyed talking to people about things like wedding plans and how to arrange things, what kinds of food and decorations would be good, where we should search for an apartment, how to sell my contract, how to deal with new financial stresses, how to prepare to go to the temple, and how to help the other feel loved and appreciated. I truly appreciated and was touched by the thoughtful advice and notes.

That being said, there were also TONS of unnecessary comments from well-meaning people I'm sure, who could not stop telling us what to do. It's like once we get engaged, everyone became experts on the topic. Even my friends who have never been engaged felt the need to put in their 2 (or 10) cents, and it got pretty old. Even more annoying were the newlyweds who were now officially experts on married and engaged life, and felt the need to spew their thoughts everywhere. The thing is, every couple is different, and no matter if you were just engaged, you don't know what it's like for us. It was so ridiculous that I wanted to kick the next person who told my (now husband) to "keep it in his pants" so hard that they had to permanently keep it in their pants. It's like this: Are you my Bishop? Oh, no?? You aren't? Well that's weird... How about my Daddy? Didn't think so. Last time I checked I had ONE Daddy. So your stewardship over me is just about zero.

Rumor #5:
When you're engaged, you don't need to spend as much time with each other, because it has already been decided, so you are more able to go do other things: FALSE.

Whatt?! I want to spend just as much if not more time with Dahl than ever.

Rumor #6:
It is super stressful: TRUE.

It is so stressful. I am seriously constantly juggling stuff. I am spoiled, so I never worked during school. Now I have to, and I actually quite enjoy the work part. It does add stress, but I love my job. It is awesome. [Edit: My job became WAY more stressful... so not as great as it was at the beginning]. The problem is, I have to add it to my list of things to do. The problem is, I'm trying to plan a wedding, go to school, work, and play all at the same time. And I need to maintain my relationships with my friends, family, and, most importantly, Dahl.

Rumor #7:
You will not want to do your schoolwork: TRUE.

I have not gotten my grades for this semester, but I'm pretty sure my GPA is going to decrease. Simply because I honestly do not even enjoy being at school right now. There are sooo many things I would rather do. I would rather spend time with Dahl, plan the wedding, talk to my roommates, eat, or even go to work than sit in a classroom. Seriously, if I could just quit school for the semester and have no repercussions, I would do it. In a heartbeat.

Rumor# 8:
You will stop doing as many fun things and start being all "serious": TRUE and FALSE.

While it is true that now we talk about the wedding more, our dating life isn't that different. If you suddenly stop playing and start working all the time, there is a problem. Now, I have a crap-load of stuff to do. It seriously seriously never ends. BUT, that just means that I have to play harder. Dahl and I still go on dates, we still do super fun things and go on adventures together. The wedding is not consuming our lives, and we do not talk about it all the time. Of course, we do talk about it sometimes. And we do talk about other serious things (finances, school, our views on how we will manage our future family, etc.) but we talked about that before we got engaged too... It just doesn't seem that different. There just needs to be a balance.

Rumor #9:
You will get to know each other a lot better through this engagement process/It is a great time to get to know each other: FALSE

Um, I hope not! Sure, we learn more about each other but comes naturally with spending time with one another. I know I don't know everything about Dahl, and he doesn't know everything about me, and that's part of the fun of committing to spend forever together. But, the basics, and the most important things, I know, and I definitely knew them before we got engaged. Some people might say that you get to know each other better because you see how they act under stress... but I think it's good to have already seen that. This is pretty much just my opinion, but I think it is also dictated by common sense.

Written Nov 29, 2010:

Rumor #10:
Being married is so much better than being engaged: TRUEST

I love it :)


  1. Kelly, can I just say that I freaking love you! You're a fantastic blogger, I am not that creative. Congrats on the wedding by the way!

  2. Oh thank you!! I love you too :)I am following your blog now! I am excited I love blogs :)

  3. Sorry if I "spewed my thoughts everywhere"

  4. Hehe Kelly I love it. Its so true...all of it. People need to pipe down and mind their P's and Q's. I miss your face please can we play soon.

  5. Actually Kali, to be completely honest, I liked all of your advice, and I didn't feel as if you were "spewing" anything. So no worries :)
    And David... thanks! We will for sure play with you guys soon!