Monday, October 7, 2013


I've been thinking about PDA lately. And how much is too much. And how much is not enough. And how much is just right. So the following is a post with my opinions on the matter. I am sure everyone has a different opinion on it, and I want to be respectful of that, so hopefully this is not too harsh. These are my opinions, and if you have a different opinion, I would be happy to hear about it in the comments. I will address 2 kinds of PDA here:

Physical PDA

This is the most obvious kind. I think showing affection in public is nice, when handled appropriately. But I think it can definitely go too far. For example, I kid you not, one time I was with some friends who I didn't know very well but we were with his parents, and he was massaging his girlfriends butt and kissing her neck CONSTANTLY in front of all of us. Now, this made me very uncomfortable, but I cannot imagine how it made the parents feel. Frankly, I was completely appalled, but maybe I'm just old-fashioned.  If I were his girlfriend I would have died. I would have made him stop immediately and followed it up with a private discussion when we were next alone about things to do in front of parents or anyone human.

I have heard the viewpoint, "We just don't care what people think! We're in love!!" and honestly I just think that is downright inconsiderate. Maybe you don't care about how people think, but what about how they feel? Do you care about that?? You should. If you don't care about their feelings, why are you hanging out with them? They are probably asking themselves the same question. Don't be surprised if they start ignoring you or avoiding hanging out with you if you exhibit this kind of behavior on the regular. It probably makes them feel awkward and like they are in the way. As a reminder, there are other people with you, and you chose to hang out with not only your significant other, but them too. Just because you would like to start your family right now does not mean it is acceptable to conceive a child in front of them. If you can't keep it in your pants, go find a place where you can be alone, so they don't have to witness the blessed event.

Doesn't your heart just go out to this kid??

I want to add that I really don't mind people showing affection to their significant other in front of me. I actually think in general, it is really nice. I was lucky enough to grow up in a home where my dad was absolutely adorable about my mom. He made up silly love songs about her, danced with her in the kitchen, and gave her hugs and kisses all the time. And I think that is such a great thing. I would even go so far as to say it is a beautiful thing. Even when we told teased them about it as kids and told them they were gross, we were still glad they were in love.

Wow sorry the past 3 pictures have been of people making out... don't worry they get more entertaining :)

I love when Dahl (my husband) shows me affection. He has taken after my dad and makes up multiple songs about me a day which I absolutely love! He is the cuddliest man alive, and I love that too. I am perfectly happy to cuddle with him for a movie, no matter who we are with. I love to hold his hand, give him quick kisses (emphasis on the quick- no make out sessions in front of others!), compliment him, smile at him, flirt in a silly way with him, give him hugs, or have his arm around me, but I just think going much beyond that is ridiculous when there are others present.

I definitely want my children and anyone we know to know that my husband and I are in love with each other, and for it to be obvious through words and action; I just think what happens in the bedroom should stay there, and should stay between two people. There are lines that should not be crossed in front of anyone. So consider that, and stop crossing them!! No one else wants to see your tickle fight or make out session. Trust me. Just get a room!

Social Media/ Facebook PDA
The top definition for Facebook PDA on urban dictionary is: Public Display of Affection on Facebook, usually when a couple publicly swoons over each other, when they should just text each other, pick up the phone, or heaven forbid just talk to each other to save the rest of us from the cheesy and showy interaction.

Yeah. I think that about sums it up.

And this sums up what I am about to say!

I found this article very funny on this topic, and I enjoyed this one (the first question is the only one related to this topic) and this one as well so feel free to check those out, too!

This is an interesting one. Everyone seems to have a different opinion about how much of their relationship should be public for not only friends and family, but also their entire friend list (which, let's be honest, you talk to maybe 20% of your current group of "friends" with any level or consistency whatsoever in any forum other than social media, and usually not even  there), and what the heck? Let's open the whole thing up to friends of friends!!!

Personally, I find it appropriate to post sweet things on our anniversary, birthdays, and every once in awhile when the urge strikes me. But that is not that often, because, miracle of miracles, we have developed cell phones with texting! So I can text him love notes all day long if I want to, without involving everyone with internet access. I can also use Facebook messaging to let him know how much I care about him on a much more personal level than I could through something that everyone and their dog can see. And even on the occasions when I find it appropriate to post about my love online, it's not a novel; it's short and sweet. I truly think it is cute when couples post little things about each other in moderation, but when you can't shut up about it, it gets downright obnoxious.

See all those likes? That is because this is how people really feel!

It is just awkward and annoying to tell every detail of your love story just-in-case-anyone-was-wondering in a status. Sometimes when I read these statuses, I literally feel like some prankster found your diary and thought it would be funny to post it online, and now I am completely invading on your personal space by reading it. I am genuinely embarrassed for the people who post these things. It is seriously awkward! 

If you feel the urge to tell how you met or how you proposed or how your first date went every other week, maybe you should start a blog and post it all there. That would be a more appropriate use of social media, so people can get some warning before diving deep into your personal life. Statuses are supposed to be short! 

You can even post a link to your blog as your Facebook status. You can label it something like: "Blog post with mushy gushy details about our love life! You have been warned! Read on... if you dare!!" "Blog post about our first date! Filled with never-before disclosed details!" That could be a fun way to see who is really interested- and some people probably are! Honestly, I would probably read your blog post! I know that may seem weird judging from what I have been saying this whole time, but it's not that I don't care about your life or your relationship with your significant other; it's just that I don't want it to be thrown at me whenever I want to get on Facebook. 

I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I am sorely tempted to say something like this. But I don't. I just blog about it.

Blogs are great for adding in all the juicy details about how things are going in your life without making people feel assaulted by love spam every time they log in to their Facebook news feed. And that is the definition of spam, by the way: irrelevant or inappropriate messages sent on the Internet to a large number of recipients. That's what you're doing! Spamming people!! Everyone hates spammers, so don't be one of them!

It's all about choosing the right forum to bear your soul about the awesome-ness of your soul-mate. Then people can choose if they want to follow that link and read up on your love life.That is what we call a win-win. This way, you avoid annoying people, and you get to really tell some great details and even add some pictures all on a page that is your own, that people can choose to go to if they want to.

Think of it this way: Many people enjoy going to the pool (or hearing about the details of your love life). In general, most people like to get wet if the circumstances are right. But they do not always want to get wet, and if you shove them in the pool, they will be annoyed at you. The same thing applies in this situation. It is like you own a pool (your awesome love relationship with your significant other), and you can invite your friends to come over and swim in it (again, hear about the details of your love life). They may decline, and that is okay. But no matter what, it is not okay to shove them in your pool of love (Facebook love spam). Just invite (post a status with a link to your blog about your love life).

I wonder the same thing... why?! (Look next to the "likes".) I have come to the conclusion that people feel it is too awkward to just leave it un-liked, so they go ahead and guilt- like it to try and ease the weird sexual tension that is all over their Facebook wall. For the record, I don't completely hate this status, but it is a little weird that the way she lets him know that she loves and appreciates him is through Facebook... trust me girl, there are better ways! Also, it is pretty ridiculously  mushy (for lack of a better word)... "I never knew what it was like to look at someone and smile for no reason?" Really?? I mean how much of that is really for him and how much if it is to get people to think she's the cutest, sweetest girlfriend/ wife ever? I guess to me, it is so over the top it seems almost fake. I'm sure she loves him, but this post seems more for Facebook and less for him. I could be wrong, and I don't know her, but it comes across that way to me.

Another unnecessary thing is to declare the truthfulness of how your significant other is the one every time the alarm you have set in your phone to remind you to do so goes off. (Seriously, it seems like some people have those- and they go off about 5 times a day). I don't mind if it's occasional, I really don't. But sometimes, it gets out of hand. Find another way to express yourselves to each other for the sake of everyone on your friends list!


And we haven't even begun to talk about pictures. Usually, I honestly think people do a fine job with this. However, if every other picture is of you two kissing, maybe you should think about diversifying your poses. And suggestive poses are just weird. If you must take them, try to keep them under wraps (I know it's hard with the paparazzi following you and constantly trying to expose you, but tryyyy!)

You do want people to be rooting for you right?

I realize that these people who do these things are not intending to be offensive. They are just happy, and want others to see it, and that is great! That is so much better than the alternative, and I am glad they are so pleased with their decisions and the partner they are with. Love is a great blessing and a wonderful thing. It just might be time to take it down a notch. Calm down. Check your hormone levels. There are lots of other great and interesting things you can post about! And honestly, sometimes the extreme-ness of your posts come off as almost insecure. Why do you need to reassure all of us that your love is so true on such a constant basis? Are you worried they aren't as into you as you are into them? Are you trying to claim your territory so everyone else keeps off? All I'm saying is sometimes, you may actually be doing the opposite of what you want to be doing- just something to keep in mind.

I think there are a lot of things that you can post that are appropriate on Facebook. Like I said, birthdays and anniversaries (we're talking yearly, not weekly anniversaries, to make it clear) are always great and acceptable. Actually, I would say they are pretty much mandatory, unless you do not use social media. Taking a reasonable amount of pictures and posting them is nice, as long as they are in good taste. Tagging your significant other at the same place you are and saying what you are doing is entirely reasonable. Posting nice things every once in awhile is great. I know I enjoy when people, especially my husband, post nice things about me. Just try not to blast your entire love life to the internet world. If you're feeling so amorous, what are you doing on the computer when you should be with the person you are so in love with?

Sooo there you have it! That is my opinion about PDA. I realize that this can be a sensitive subject so if you found the post offensive, please know that it was not directed at anyone in particular and it was not my intention to offend. Soo maybe you can find some constructive criticism or something!! If you have an opinion you'd like to share, feel free to comment :)


  1. I love this and so agree! remember that semester I had last winter when everywhere I turned it was basically babytime for all these couples?? SOOOO embarrassing and unnecessary!

  2. Ha! This post was awesome! Matt HATES PDA, sometimes a little too much, but we do hold hands in public and hug eachother. :)

  3. Aww Steph I think you and Matt are adorable :)

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