He's Just Not that into You

So I just went out with Heather, Jordan, Winnie, Kelsey, and Christine to color me mine. I think it's actually a really cute place, you pick out some pottery and paint it however you want. I just made a mug. Then, I went to Shoots with them, which is a restaurant Winnie's family owns. It was really very good. Then Bre and Katrina joined us and Kelsey left and we watched He's Just Not that into You at the dollar theater. And that is what this entry is about.

It was literally one of the most thought provoking movies I have ever seen. I am literally re-evaluating all the relationships, romantic and not so much, that I have ever had or almost had. I don't think I'm really like any of the women in that movie, but I feel like they epitomize some of the problems women have with men. And I also thought it was a slap in the face. It was a reality check times a million. I think every girl should watch it, because I can think of a lot of girls who need to realize this. It is not anything like your regular chick flick that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy at the end because he really was into the girl, and they are going to live happily ever after. Because that’s not really how it works.

I thought it was so ridiculously realistic it was almost painful to watch. Like everything the girls in that movie say to their friends to make them feel better about a guy are things I’ve told my friends or I have been told. But, the real reason was he just wasn’t that into them. Or me.

And that was depressing because how many guys actually haven’t been into me or them and we deluded ourselves to believe they were? What if no one ever really liked us? What if they were just trying to let us down easy, or had no idea what was going on because they didn’t really care at all? I feel like this movie shows everything we already know, but don’t believe, or don’t allow ourselves to believe. How we convince ourselves either that he is telling the truth, and does like us but just needs time. Or how we convince ourselves that he is lying and really, underneath all of that not calling or taking us out, he really does like us. Somewhere deep down inside.

Because clearly, if he doesn’t call, he doesn’t wanna talk to us, and he is just not that into us. But we don’t care, because we still believe in all the lies we tell ourselves and each other without even realizing it. We totally feed the fire for it. Whenever I have said that to a girl, I think I believed it. But it’s because that’s how we are trained our entire life; if a guy treats us like crap, it’s because he likes us. Really girls?! But we totally believe it.

Like, I have tons of girls who I talk to about their relationship or non- relationship drama, and as I go through all of them now, my view is totally changing. Because maybe, it’s not that he’s just confused or stupid or needs time or is intimidated or lost your number or was busy or is shy or just got out of a serious relationship or has never been in a relationship. Maybe, he’s just not that into us.

 

Thoughts on going home

Okay so I haven't updated in about a year. Sorry kids. So I guess now I'm just getting ready to go home, physically, emotionally, mentally. We'll work backwards now:

Mentally: I have taken 5 of my finals already, and finals week hasn't technically even started yet, so I'm feeling pretty good about that. I just have D&C, Advertising, and Accounting left. D&C I'm not really worried about, I will just study for a couple of hours tonight with my darling Kali, and we will ace it tomorrow morning. Tonight I am also going to try to do my advertising study guide section that I have been allotted by a group of people in my class. I am not worried about that either, I just don't wanna put in the time really. But whatever, I will, I always do :) And then accounting, I've always done well but I've been kind of slacking as of late, so hopefully I can get that under control. I'm sure I'm in a lot better shape than a lot of people in that class.

Emotionally: This is by far the hardest part. I am so sad about leaving Provo. When I leave, three things happen that make me sad:

1. I leave a vast majority of my friends behind. I am so sad about leaving my roommates. I love them all so much now; this has been SUCH a fun semester. When I say roommates I include Jordan from last year too, and Elisa from upstairs, who basically lives at our apartment anyway. And I am especially sad because Bre and Erin are going on missions so I won't see them after this semester :( for 1 1/2 years!!! More like 2 because I am gone for the summer months, too. I also will miss my FHE group. They were so fun this semester, my favorite group ever :) I am also sad about leaving the friends Heather has introduced me to. I just love Winnie and Kelsey and Christine and her boys too, but mostly the girls. And Jake. I love that kid.

2. My dating life plummets. Dating in Provo is probably the best ever, and I date often... not so much in Maryland. And the eligible bachelors decrease as well. It might be a little dumb but dating does improve self esteem and happiness level for most girls. I am sad about the boys I am leaving behind, especially the ones I won't see for a long time.

3. My independence and freedom are all but completely revoked. I love my parents a lot. But I have a really hard time not being able to do what I want when I go home. And I'm not planning on doing anything ridiculous, so I wish I could just be trusted. I think Heather will be helpful in this area, she is way more prone to rebel than me I think. I hate arguing so I just don't and sit there depressed instead.

Physically: Packing. It's gonna be a nightmare, just like last year. But this year, me and Heather are packing together so it will be more fun. Also, cleaning checks will be brutal.

I am really worried about going home, mostly for Heather. I know she will be sad about leaving Jake, and I hope I will be able to be a good sister and know what to do to make her happy. Of course, I am happy he's going on a mission, but it doesn't make it any less hard for her :(. she doesn't deal with pointless restrictions as well as I do, I don't think, so we'll see how that goes, too. We are planning on attending institute this summer, so hopefully that will be beneficial for us.

The other day I was walking around campus and it was one of the pretty days, and I was thinking about how beautiful it was and how much I love it here, and I had the strongest urge to sit down on one of the benches and stubbornly tell everyone I would not leave, and I wasn't going anywhere. I resisted, of course, but that's kind of how I feel when I go home.

Here are the things I am excited for, in no particular order:
Seeing my family- I love my family so much. Every single one of them. They are truly my favorite people. I am excited to hang out with them and play with them and talk to them.
Working at PNC- I love doing that, and it's a nice break from school.
Hanging out with Heather G- I love this girl and I am excited to see her!
Eating home cooked meals- You miss that at college.
Summer- I love summer weather!
Doing laundry where it works- Regency laundry sucks.
Making new friends at institute, at work, at parties? I dunno just in general.
Going to the beach- Duhh
Being a healthy volunteer at NIH- I love love love love love being a healthy volunteer. I could do a whole entry on it. I love learning about myself and getting paid good money for it and getting out of the house. Plus, everyone is so nice. I tell people about these all the time, and they always say they'll do it and it sounds so cool. They never do. But that's ok more for me!! I really love Disneyworld, and NIH is like on that same level. I love it. I'm a dork I know.
Exercising with my sisters- I need to do that I totally stopped exercising a while back... :/
I am excited Heather is coming back with me. I would miss her soooo so much if she didn't
Visiting my old high school- I always think it's fun to do :)
Being on the east coast, noottt with all Mormons. I have mixed feelings about this of course, because, as I mentioned before, I love being at BYU where everyone's Mormon. I love not being challenged about standards and other things like that. But I also like to talk about my church with people who have no idea what it is, and to talk to people who think and believe differently. It's refreshing. It's also fun for me to get away from those Mormons that are so self righteous and don't see the world outside of their Utah/ Provo bubble.
Seeing everyone else I am friends with back at home, I am sure I missed a lot, if not the majority.
I'm sure there are more, but I am done for now, it's time to get back to studying!!