I am freaking out.

Constantly.

So it is exactly 3 weeks and 3 days until I get married. Yay! So I am kind of freaking out excited. But I am mostly freaking out freaking out. So now I'm gonna make 2 lists! One of why I am freaking out, and one of what I am grateful for. Because I felt whiny when it was just freaking out. If you don't read my whole list, PLEASE at least read the first one on my freaking out list!!

I am freaking out because:

1. I can't sell my contract (If ANYONE knows anyone who would want to buy a contract at Raintree, PLEASE let me know! If someone finds me online I'm paying for a month of rent, but if YOU recommend them, I'll just pay you $100 instead! Pleasepleaseplease!)
2. We still don't know where we are going to live!
3. Figuring out how to get the right colors/ sizes/ prices on bridesmaid dresses is ridiculous. Not to mention that the color of the dresses determines the color of the decorations/ mother of the bride&groom dresses/ flower girl dress/ tuxes/ cake.
4. Estrogen is being pumped through my body and so I cry way more than I should. I swear my sensitivity has increased 100- fold. Seriously. Sometimes it's not even sad crying. It's like Dahl says, "I love you" and then I start crying because I love him, too. Usually, though, it is like something stupid hurt my feelings, and then I start crying and can't stop because I am just so stressed so I don't even know what I am crying about.
5. Because we are stressed, Dahl and I are both more cranky. Which makes us more stressed. Which makes us more cranky. This is a horrible cycle.
6. I should be exercising more.
7. I should be reading the scriptures more.
8. I should have figured out which other pictures I want our photographer to edit.
9. I don't know how I'm doing my hair.
10. Someone needs to buy my contract.
11. I still have some invitations I should send out.
12. I don't know what we are wearing for Halloween.
13. I do not currently understand economics. I keep getting lost in class.
14. I have about a million group projects I am working on.
15. I can't sell my contract.
16. We don't have a videographer! And I want one!
17. I am missing about 60 receipts for work. They are all due tomorrow. (This means the professors haven't turned them in. Grr.)
18. I apparently overbooked myself and have 2 group meetings at the same time tomorrow.
19. Signing up for classes is stressful.
20. I still need to send in the marriage license.
21. We need to figure out how to join our accounts.
22. I should probably call the temple and ask them to make the room bigger.
23. I need to apply for a Pell Grant.
24. We need to get insurance.
25. We still need to get Dahl a ring.
26. I need to schedule a dentist appointment. With all my spare time.
27. I also need to schedule salon appointments.
28. I keep forgetting to use WhiteStrips.
29. I am often running on less than 5 hours of sleep.
30. People keep asking me questions!!
31. I am sick of people giving me advice about being good while I'm engaged. I can handle myself. SHUT UP!
32. I need to make a playlist for my reception.
33. Interviews stress me out.
34. Pretty much the only time I am alone with Dahl is in the car. Or at APX. In the library. Studying.
35. I need to say something to BYU about how I'm getting married so I don't have a "non-compliance" fee.
36. No one wants to buy my absolutely amazing contract!!
37. I need to help run two focus groups before I go to MD.
38. I'm already stressed about missing class.
39. We need to buy a bed.
40. I want to puke every time I think about almost anything offered in the Cougareat. They need to get totally new restaurants!
41. I haven't done my visiting teaching...
42. We only have 1 shower in the apartment because I accidentally broke the other one.
43. I can't study unless I leave both my apartment and Dahl's apartment. So we always have to go to APX to study.
44. It takes me forever to get my butt out the door. This stresses Dahl out which stresses me out.
45. It is SNOWING!! Gross!
46. Please buy/ find someone to buy my contract!!
47. After I get married I still have to come back to school and learn and finish this semester.
48. All my friends are leaving after this semester! Heather, Winnie, Christine, Jackie, Larissa? :( Everyone but Dahl! So glad I am at least getting married :) )

Basically, this is me right now:

Minus the counselor. I don't need one, but even if I did, I wouldn't have time for one.

So, before I sound like a total bride-zilla:

( I am not like this. I promise!)

I am going to make a grateful list. Because I am grateful!

I am grateful because:

1. I am marrying the best guy ever.
2. My groups are mostly chill.
3. I like everyone in all my groups. They are all nice.
4. I have a good job.
5. It is flexible.
6. I like my co-workers.
7. I have some pretty sweet roomies.
8. I am not going to be completely broke when I get married.
9. Dahl loves my family.
10. I love his family, too.
11. They love me.
12. My family loves Dahl.
13. Dahl might have found someone to buy his contract.
14. Dahl is always nice when I cry, even when it is for a stupid reason.
15. I get to go home in 3 weeks!
16. I found someone wonderful to marry.
17. Dahl will always love me.
18. He will always take care of me.
19. I love BYU.
20. I only have one year left at BYU after this semester.
21. I still have some friends here.
22. I have some of my favorite friends getting married!! So we will have friend couples.
23. Caitlin and Annalisa (my roomies) and Lori (who was gonna go on a mission) are staying here.
24. I know I am really very lucky.
25. At least we have a shower.
26. It didn't snow today.
27. It's warming up a little.
28. Receipts are trickling in.
29. Instead of taking me to do homework last night, Dahl took me to Denny's.
30. I love talking to my roomies.
31. Cornbelly's was really fun last week.
32. We are going to a party at Amy's house this week!
33. We get to dress up cute couple-y!
34. I've basically always wanted to do that.
35. I get to do that the rest of my life!
36. Dahl is so funny, and he makes me laugh when I'm about to cry. And when I am crying.
37. Dahl always thinks I am pretty :)
38. I got some fun presents at my bridal shower.
39. My mom and Dahl's mom are working tirelessly to make sure the wedding is wonderful.
40. Dahl's grandpa is sealing us. That is so nice!
41. Heather is the best MOH.
42. I have not gotten sick this semester.
43. At least the whole making decisions part is over. The important ones :)
44. I'm having a family bridal shower on Saturday!
45. Soon all this crap will be over, and I will be married...
46. And it will all be worth it.
47. I love my family.
48. I love Dahl.
49. I get to get married in the temple I always wanted to get married in!
50. My dress is really flattering, so it's okay that I'm not totally in shape I guess.
51. I get to sing Dahl a nice song at the rehearsal dinner!
52. It will all work out. My mom said so.
53. Dahl has a car. That's nice, because I don't.
54. Dahl is good at directions. That's nice, because I'm not.
55. I love being couple friends with David and Amy :)
56. I have nice friends and family (and new family)
57. I get food every day.
58. I can sell my contract! I can!
59. We will never have to say goodnight and go to our separate apartments after November 20.
60. Dahl is handsome.
61. So many people are being so generous and giving with their time and talents to help with the wedding.
62. Heavenly Father loves me!
63. I have the gospel :)
64. I have so much to be grateful for.

So that is not it. But let's pretend. You probably haven't even gotten here. But if you have, I hope you enjoyed it? Mostly, though, I hope you will find a friend to buy my contract.